So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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