He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
