I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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