Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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