All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
