dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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