I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
