i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
