He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
