he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
