Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Porn is love you can see.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
