He uses pillows to masturbate.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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