the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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