good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Your dad touched me again.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
