youre lurking in front of me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
