dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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