that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
