and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The convent might be a nice break from real life
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
