Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
