The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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