Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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