I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
