I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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