eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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