I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
