Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
