where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
