You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
