idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
