Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
