I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
