yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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