Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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