Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
