hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
