I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize