i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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