oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
