Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
