I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
