did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
