yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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