Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
