Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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