I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize