you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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