you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
