If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
