I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
