If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
