They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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