I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
whose parrot is this?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
