Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
