so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Randomize
