What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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