That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
