Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
