He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
