I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dignity is for republicans.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
