he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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