Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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