Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize