My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
