nut hugger
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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