I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
