Well apparently he's into motor boating.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
