im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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