I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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