i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
