I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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